Ep 94: Gentle Transitions - New Baby with Siblings

Bringing home a baby can be a big transition, not just for mom and the new baby, but for the rest of the family as well.  In this episode, Doula Rachael and Dr. Shannon share their own experiences with welcoming a new addition to the family.  They each have two boys who are three years apart, but they bring lots of different birth experiences to the table.  Doula Rachael shares how she navigated her home birth with her second child and her approach for introducing their new baby to his new big brother. Dr. Shannon shares her hospital birth experience and how she introduced their 2nd son to his big brother. They also share their professional experience with helping new parents navigate introducing new siblings.

Resources:

• Dr. Laura Markham - Aha! Parenting - https://www.ahaparenting.com/
• Dr. Siggie Cohen - https://drsiggie.com/ 
• Ashley Lingerfelt - Play Time Therapy - https://playtimetherapy.org/ 
• Postpartum Doulas - https://www.northatlantabirth.com/postpartum-doula-services 
• Postpartum Planning Class - https://www.northatlantabirth.com/postpartum-planning
• Episode 6: Non-monetary essentials for the postpartum
• Episode 7: Building your village for the postpartum
• Episode 8: Our favorite things to purchase for the postpartum

Transcript

Hello friends, you are listening to the aligned Earth Podcast. I'm Dr. Shannon doula Rachael Ray. Today we are the hosts of the show. And today's aligned birth topic has to do with some post birth, life changes that could occur and this is definitely geared for families that already have a baby. And so we're really talking about introducing siblings to baby. I don't know I kind of laugh when I think about this because it's almost like when you're like, if you have pets and you're trying to bring like the baby home and like the things that you do to like accommodate the pet so that the dog doesn't freak out of the cat like I kind of like that. In like what is easy and manageable but yes, not in that silly aspect because it is a big change going from one to two and then there's, you know, even aspect of two to three like there are big changes. And so I think it's important to talk about guests, there's changes for mom and dad or the parents, but then there's also changes for that sibling as well who is now going to be the big sister, the big brother, the older sibling, and depending upon the age range of the kids, all of those things can present a lot of emotions. And so, Rachel and I want to share our experiences with you know, we each have two boys and both of our boys are three years apart. So I think that's kind of fun. I don't think I mean, I knew that but I don't think I really knew that until we started like looking at our outline here. But I kind of wanted to go in through some of my experience, but then what I see in the office and then obviously Rachel going through her experience because we each had two different births and so sometimes that can play a role in how it is introducing sibling to baby as well. So yeah, this should be a fun little conversation too. And then hopefully, we'll have a lot of resources. So check out the show notes, as well. So hello, Rachel, good to see you.

Unknown 2:03

Hello. Good to see you as always love this conversation and after having my own children like I I'm very very passionate about this conversation and I'm obviously a birth doula and I care a lot about pregnancy and birth. But I always like get so fired up talking about, you know, the big changes and the ways you can prepare for the emotional and mental and physical part of everything that comes after the birth. And when it comes to introducing the second child and we can both speak very intimately about going from one to two. And there are some similarities in going two to three but both of us only know the one to two and then that's it. But there are dynamics of course when you add more children, but speaking very intimately and personally about what we experienced, and how to prepare in a meaningful way. And sort of how it feels how it feels for the birthing person, the mother and the sibling in the family unit

Unknown 3:12

family unit that dynamic Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You know, and it can be I hear a lot in the office. That's the one when you're pregnant with the first it's a lot of oh my gosh, you know, how am I going to what is this going to look like? So you're also like, well, how is birth going to feel how is it going to unfold but then also, how is this going to happen with me like keeping this small child a lot if you're if you're that's how I was like, I don't know anything about caring for babies. I didn't have a lot of babies, you know, in my life growing up or anything, it was being caring for them. And so that can be in and of itself something but when you come second time, I seem to hear a lot that like oh, yeah, childbirth, labor, birth, got it feel great. No one's going to be different. I can work through it. But now I need to not only bring this new baby home and show it hopefully the same amount of love and care that I did the first time around, but now I also have to be there mentally, physically, emotionally for another small person.

Unknown 4:17

So I worry more about the emotional side. Like I could not comprehend how I was going to love another child until that other child was here. And of course, people told me, you'll be fine. You will, but everything like leading up to the birth of my second all I could think about was how my first was not going to be my only anymore and like how it wasn't gonna have my undivided attention and how was I going to split myself in two and then I was like worried about am I going to show Marshall who was going to be my new baby like the same sort of undivided attention that I showed? Every you know, my older child like all kinds of thoughts and feelings. I didn't worry as much about like logistical stuff, which I recommend thinking through some of the like, support you would need and the care and all of that I was just all caught up and the emotional part.

Unknown 5:22

Well, and I think so. I wonder if your births played a part in that because you were planning a home birth with your second. And so I think logistically, you're like, Well, I'm going to be at home.

Unknown 5:37

There aren't any logistics. Yeah, like as much there were

Unknown 5:41

more Yeah, like, you know, having family and support there. But I think that presents a little bit. That's a little bit different. You know, looking at things a little bit differently as far as like yeah, I'm probably gonna like in the bed for five days or you know, there's the whole that flu of like being able to rest differently, whereas I was coming from my first was that emergency C section. So I was really hoping for a VBAC. So I was still going to be in the hospital but with my first we were in the hospital for five days. And so I think I was like, oh my god, I can't be hospital for five days. Again, second time around like luckily we had family around. But yes, I think logistically, it was more present. In my mind.

Unknown 6:24

I think I hear a lot of that from our clients who are working on the hospital like with us when they have one or more at home. It's almost like they are less and I think you probably have a lot of focus on your second birth because you were going for a VBAC. And people have different things that they're prioritizing during the second birth, but a lot of people will be like, Yeah, I'm pregnant, but what am I going to do with my baby while I go to the hospital or my other child when I go to the hospital, who's gonna look after my child like they're so worried about how long they're going to be gone understandably like Yeah, and that's a

Unknown 6:54

window, there's that big window. And not to say that homebirth is easier because they can it can present its own things like some moms need being transferred, that type of thing. So yes, you're always gonna have that in the back of your mind. But when you have those first experiences to the second one, you're like, I don't understand this. And like I said, we really lucked out is that we have family just down the street. And so that worked out really well. Also, this was at a time where younger siblings were allowed in the hospital and I don't know what's I don't know what you know is going on now. What will continue what that will look like. But knowing that like, oh, they could, I wouldn't be separated for too terribly long. You know, like knowing that okay, the grandparents could bring my oldest by, so it's not like I would be separated. For a super extended period of time, even if we were in the hospital for an extended period of time. So maybe that gave me a little bit of ease though too. But I know with ours were minor three years apart, and so are yours. And are my youngest is the same age as your oldest, which is fun.

Unknown 8:07

Yeah. But yeah, we're the same age like you had a three year old basically when Yeah, Gatewood had your second Yeah. And

Unknown 8:16

and that if you know dealing with a lot of families that are growing, that seems to be I deal with more people that have babies closer together than that three year difference. I don't know if you have noticed that or seen that. But I see a lot more of like that two year gap

Unknown 8:40

1123 sometimes they're really close and sometimes they're like three Yeah, not so many of the bigger a some some bigger age gaps, but not many.

Unknown 8:49

Yeah, not many. And so when you think about that a two year old is very different than a three year old. So it's also looking at, okay, what age and developmental aspect is that child going to be at as well? I think that's something to consider, you know, as far as

Unknown 9:14

Yeah, I mean, if you have a five year old versus a three year old versus a 18 month old,

Unknown 9:20

because I was nursing, so I wasn't there wasn't going to be I wasn't going to be nursing while I was pregnant, you know, like, there's all of those things that you can think about that can also be part of that emotional aspect.

Unknown 9:35

Yeah, I mean, I really like I mean, we were done nursing and nurse for two years. So we finished up before I got pregnant with with Marshall, which was good. I kind of wanted it that way. And even though we thought we wanted our babies to be our kids to be two years apart we tried for that that didn't happen so we ended up with three years now. I'm like, That's exactly how I was supposed to be

Unknown 10:00

like that worked out just fine. Yeah, I never had I think I just needed some time.

Unknown 10:07

I guess I needed time to hear like I know I made it but I was there like, but I like three. I really liked three. He was potty trained. He could communicate pretty well. I mean, you know, four, three year old and he was sleeping in his own bed. Some just some of the things that I didn't know when make that transition easier. I did. So yeah,

Unknown 10:33

definitely. And so when I you know some of the things in that I try to bring up to parents because sometimes not to like put it on their radar but you know, and I'm sure most you know, second time parents are thinking about this. I still like to say or give them a heads up as far as like there's kind of like expectations versus reality or maybe having like realistic expectations. I hear a lot like the the older sibling is very rough with the baby you know, not really understanding a gentle aspect of things. And so that can bring some anxiety for parents. But then also the regression aspects. I hear a lot of like sleep regression, you know, and so I'm just not saying that like not expecting it. But knowing okay, if this happens, it's not gonna last forever. Polling, maybe additional resources we can get to that in a minute but knowing like that is their little bodies and nervous systems are adjusting to her person as well.

Unknown 11:45

Everybody, and I love the healthy expectations, like reality versus expectations, conversation. We have that a lot and understanding like just time, space and grace. You know, and understanding why things don't return. Well. They never return to what they were before because now there's a new human part of your family like so understanding like just returning to your new normal takes time and finding that so so I think what we see as people really like a we want wanting normal again, and realizing they're still in sort of the transition phase of, of growing and of their family, sort of everyone's settling in. And then when you have young children you know 1234 years old, they're going through so many growth changes so fast. And those are really here so while you also have a newborn you have a toddler who without the new baby is going through a lot of emotional mental, physical changes. So just being patient, being graceful with yourself, just like you know, and I think it's a hard it can be a hard season. It's a beautiful season. I think it's this like it's two things at one time kind of similar to something we talked about recently in the two trips, like it's hard and it's beautiful. I mean, I I couldn't get enough of seeing my older son with my baby like, like them together and holding him with him and doing tummy time with him.

Unknown 13:28

Weezy just loving him like yeah, I

Unknown 13:31

love like loving him so much helping me you know, doing the best he can. But then, you know, we had some sleep regression and I was up all night with the baby and so feeling that like during the day when Everett would meet me in different ways, feeling like I just couldn't do it for a long time. I just like to remind new moms that it's okay to feel torn but it's also okay to like in time you will have more time to spend with both of them and those early days. It's okay you gotta take care of yourself and you got to take care of your new baby. Yeah, there's like really your priority and then it's trying to bring in support and, and other things to help care for your older child and know that in time. You will have more time with both of them and they will be just fine.

Unknown 14:20

We'll come back there'll be different but those it will come back Yes. You've got Yeah, it's just kind of living in that in between for a little bit too. Yeah. And

Unknown 14:29

not spending that whole in between time berating yourself internally of like,

Unknown 14:35

let me just get through this. Let me just you know, like also to not kind of wishing some of that way.

Unknown 14:41

Yeah, I mean, your older child's going to watch you and they're going to want you and maybe they'll cry if they can't have you and that'll break your heart. You know, we always say try and find a little bit of dedicated time every day where you can with them, but don't sacrifice your own rest and recovery for that right like it's okay. To use. Maybe get a movie or something that you can incorporate for a short term period that is stimulated or you know, helps entertain them while you get an app like that's okay. You'll return to your schedule where you're engaging with them in a different way, but you're not going to be able to in those first few months. And that can feel really hard.

Unknown 15:18

Yeah, most definitely. And I know with us one thing, and I used to say this a lot more when the younger siblings were allowed, you know in the hospital and stuff but it's something that I wasn't really prepared for was after I had my second and then my in laws, the grandparents bringing Ethan my oldest to visit. He was completely freaked out to see me in a hospital bed. And so you know, you're still kind of hanging there. And I obviously had a lot of emotions and like hormones, and I was just distraught that he would not he didn't want to come and like, Give me a hug and that type of thing. And so I I used to tell parents that like just, I would try to prep him you know, I always talk to the kids. You're not like baby talk, but trying to be like okay, we're gonna go to the grocery store. We're going to do these things. So it's not

Unknown 16:14

like learning

Unknown 16:17

stuff. It's so I don't think I front loaded like this is maybe what it's gonna look like and Monroe, fine, you know, right, but I remember that being really hard and then when Dylan my youngest was born, he like, came with a gift. You know? We did say that Ethan could play with something like in the hospital members. It's like robot saying that he could build and like gave him you know, something to do. But that was really hard. I think that was one of the hardest things and one thing that stuck with me the most was when you can see me in the hospital bed and like, being completely freaked out. And that was all like, this is

Unknown 16:56

not what I envisioned. Right. That's not what you envision. And that's hard. And you're you're already feeling emotional about it. Yeah. I mean, you wish you had someone that had kind of prepared you for that. And that's what we're trying to share here is I love front loading. We walk through scenarios and I try and not protect them from feeling negative things but just like get their head ready for what's coming best you can with age appropriateness. And three is hard, because there's a lot that they get, there's a lot that they still don't get. But yeah, you walk them through what they might see, hear, feel, give them space to act and ask questions and the way they need to, but yeah, that that frontloading might have helped you but it could have still been hard, right? It's yeah, yeah, can prepare and still get a reaction that you weren't anticipating and that still feels hard for your mom and soul when all you want them to do is like crawl up and I know I was like, from my oldest I was like, what is that? anymore? Yeah.

Unknown 18:00

With your homebirth you had, so ever it was at home the whole time. So who did you have? Did you have family over to help or how did you navigate that?

Unknown 18:12

What we did is we had a few contingency plans based on like what time of day, I went into labor and thankfully I went into labor in the middle of the night. So he slept through almost all of it. I think he woke up like 30 or 45 minutes before, but thankfully my parents live close. And the plan was when I was in labor my sisters and my mom, we're going to come and they were with me in the birth space. And Jay and I doula and I had a friend photographer, and then my dad came with my mom. And again, having family nearby and using them and kind of giving them jobs and roles and stuff help and my dad was gonna be there like not in the room but then there for when ever it woke up if and whenever it woke up. And I was open to having him in the birth space while I was laboring, but by the time he woke up, I was very close to the end and I was like, I don't even know ya know, he ended up he was outside playing with my dad and a neighbor friend. So he was he did No, I mean, he's just like he wakes up in his bed. Yeah, office Baker. Like he's like, this is great. Right, right, like he's outside and Crocs and his underwear and he's happy as can be. I like saw him out the window and I was like, Oh my god. So that was wonderful. So again, having support there to help care for him and then availability like he could come in if I want him but then also knowing I may not want him in the birth space. And that is you know, I wanted to have space for both of those options. So very thankful to have extra support there for him

Unknown 19:55

because that's interesting, too. With birth. You don't know what you might or might not want. Yeah. And so we prepare

Unknown 20:00

our highest workers who are doing home birth, who have older children. Is you know, they have a vision and a lot of them vision their their child their older children siblings in there with them in and out you know all of this like homeostasis, peaceful, blissful situation and I'm all for that. I just always like to say, allow room and space in your mind for your ex when you visualize your birth that you may not want them in the space and that is not right or wrong.

Unknown 20:30

Yeah. Because in that moment, you know, anything like that. It's that stressful process. You could be like, No, I'm not feeling

Unknown 20:38

too overstimulating or maybe you're having a hard time and they don't want to see it or you don't want to see it. So I think being fluid with expectations around that and then having someone sometimes they have something called a sibling, doula, a grandparent, a close friend, a family member who is like kind of designated there to meet the children's needs that they need snack if they need to go potty and still need help with that, whatever their designated to that because I mean, typically, the partner is going to want to be with the birthing person and focused on them and a lot of times it's like, well, the partner can take care of everything. And we've been adverse, what they have they've done Yep. And they do a great everyone. You just got to work with your situation. Just try to think about options and who can you bring in and who do you want in the space and who can help? But yeah, so we had a lot of hands on deck. And then Marsha was born in the early morning like 740 in the morning and ever had woken up like a seven and so once Marshall was out and I was like back in the bed and like kind of cleaned up a little bit and like snuggled up with with Marshall and some towels and everyone else's sort of like just around me hanging out. We I invited dad came in with Everett. And it was precious, I would made a note that I want to grab. We have pictures of him walking in to the room and all the adults are just like this on the side. They're just like they're like hands are up to their face and they're grinning and just like anticipation, and he just walks in and he's just like his eyes are big, and he's very cautious. He's like, I want like he just woken up in his PJs like, and again he knew I was having a baby but they don't really I don't really understand. Yeah, there's a pool in the corner like yeah, you know, and so then he sees me and he just very like in very much every style like just slowly kind of crawled up on the bed still like looking more at all the people in the room versus the new baby. Yeah. And so he eventually made his way up and, you know, held kind of held the baby and gave the baby kiss but all kind of prompted, right? Like, you didn't give Marshall a kiss if you want or you can hold on just kind of encouraging.

Unknown 23:00

Yeah, he was like, I don't know what to do. Yeah, and we

Unknown 23:03

don't I didn't force anything and yeah, he you know, kind of Genom know what's okay. Yeah, yeah. And he did great. And then you know, we had given him a baby doll, and a stroller before the like during pregnancy. And that was sort of one of the things we did we talked about, like holding it and then how I might be feeding the baby. How the baby would be my sleep where the baby like all these sort of like kind of like safe practices but then like it became kind of a loving for him and he carried it around and took care of it. And so that was fun. And we had done we did a gift as well. So like a small gift that came out when it was like given to him lots of the best stuff and it was just a little like um, puzzle like construction. Yeah. puzzle. Yeah, something to do and he he got very excited by that and I quickly got it was like let's go Papa. And you know they went that was that was that and, you know, but then the biggest thing for us after that so we got that initial so he that was pretty soon after the birth. Yeah. But then as a couple to three hours after the birth as things are winding down and we're getting ready to sleep. My sister one of my sisters took Everett with her so we had our pre birth plan was that he would be there for the birth but then once baby was here and everyone was leaving, he would go out between the three Thankfully I've got two sisters that live nearby and my parents, they were going to sort out who where he was going to be and he was going to alternate staying one night with one and then you know a couple of nights with an axe just sort of like he basically went and lived his best life. I was

Unknown 24:48

gonna say that sounds amazing.

Unknown 24:50

Four nights, I think three or four nights. And so again, I share this with people because I'm like, I get it you want your like people and you want that like your other children to be there and like honestly, it's the best thing I ever did. And we kept people out so I after everyone laughed like we didn't have visitors for that for like four days. And it was just me J and baby ever was living his best life at Camp grandma camp and and they were going to do an all their fun things. And that's hard, right? Like I think it was it was like I wanted him with me but I just wanted to focus on rest and feeding and recovery and my baby I did. And I was really glad I did. And then when he came home he was so happy and I was I felt so much

Unknown 25:38

better like I was like probably more well rested. Oh yeah. Yeah. And I'm gonna be as much family and with a newborn but still,

Unknown 25:45

well they sleep a lot. In those first few days. A toddler does it probably has a lot of needs in those first few days, like all the time all the time, whereas a newborn really doesn't. They're almost there easiest for the first handful of days. Because it's the when they start waking up to the world, they start crying more and start being awake more. So I tell people that and I'm like, What do what works for you? This worked for us. We have a support system. And when he came home, he was happy. He was gonna happy and I was so happy and everyone was like, and then we kind of got to ease into and then I saw this on yours too, because I didn't think I was gonna send him back to school to daycare. He was in like the three year olds class and daycare going a few days a week, but I did. And again, it was awesome, because he was only going three days a week so we would have three days where he was gone for a chunk of the day again, focusing on are just the three of us the baby and recovery and all that and then he'd be home and we'd hang out to do our gym those days and then knowing he was going to daycare the next day was a huge relief. I didn't think I was in a constant state. of burden of like, not getting a break from having the multiple. So you know, for what that's worth. That's a real experience. And I had a really, really way better second postpartum than I did first postpartum. I was hosting guests and entertaining within days after giving birth. And like acting like I was just fine when I wasn't, and I don't recommend that. No, I kind of like

Unknown 1:21

Yeah, well, I mean, that's what we do, right? We learn and and we've talked, we've talked about our postpartum time periods too, but even with my first so I was working full time. This was before I was a chiropractor as well, but I was working full time with when I was pregnant with both of them. So I went back to work way too soon with that first postpartum, especially after a C section. But second time around, I'm trying to think it's it gets to be such a blur. I you know, that first week with the baby, it really is such a blur. It's, you know, when you're awake, you're asleep. It feels like all I'm doing is nursing, you know,

Unknown 2:02

from down day from night

Unknown 2:04

yeah, I don't really not gonna lie. I don't really remember. Remember all that. Well. What stands out to me the most with that time period is we kept Ethan my oldest schedule. As close to same as possible. And so he was already in daycare five days a week and because he wasn't there part time or anything like that, I went ahead and took the full. I was able to take a full 12 weeks so I was able to take my full that postpartum time and having him go back to school with his routine, and he hung out with his friends like he was living. It was amazing. I thought I too was going to feel bad that like, oh, I should have everybody here and care for them. And that was the best thing I did. Now I know not everybody also was in that situation because you may already be you know, staying at home you know, without first you have even daycare that so that's where I want to mention like, what can you do to keep that schedule similar enough? But giving yourself grace and break and time because that will wear you down quickly? When during that so that was that one of the best things was him going back to school and I remember vividly my schedule as well because I would watch Ellen every day. I don't even know I just that was back when we had cable still. And I would make a really big salad. And I would have dark chocolate but like those three things I remember my post and salads and dark chocolate and I would hang out with Dylan it was it it was freaking amazing just to know, like the differences between those two postpartum moms. So yeah, but and then we you know, definitely dealt with some regressions. And, you know, that aspect of things

Unknown 4:10

sleep. Our biggest one was sleep. He just started waking up. Yeah, in the middle of the night. Nothing crazy. We were able to pretty much get him back to sleep in his bed and asleep. Or he would like find a spot in our bed, which was fine. For a little while, but yeah, sleep was probably the hardest thing. But not it wasn't even

Unknown 4:33

it wasn't that Yeah, it wasn't terrible. And you know to with ours also being that three years apart. We didn't necessarily have that potty training aspect of regression, but a lot of times I hear that and I tried to tell them and be like, you know, what, your potty training now you know, you might be due and what like three months, you're starting to potty train the first one now like, you know, working that out just knowing okay, you might get to a point and there might be a regression there might not be but just being graceful with that, you know,

Unknown 5:05

I'm here trying not to stress too much and just embrace diapers and waterproof mattress pads and, you know, know that they will they'll figure it out. It's a big, it's a big and I just I mean trying to address them emotional needs and and meet them where they're at and I'm always I'm always just like, what they're going through is I can't comprehend it and I just try and show as much love and compassion. I just, it's easier said than done. But instead of stressing about the thing that was happening, I was just like, This is what it is. I love him I love I'm gonna take care of myself and you know, just like trying to be patient and give things more time than if we were just solely focused on potty training or just solely focused on sleeping through the night. Like, if that's all you're worried about, like you can't you can just focus on it but when there's so many other things going on just knowing, knowing like one of the things we would tell me because he would like to wake up and come into our bedroom and he would be a little bit have like some fear going on. And so I when I put him to bed we did the whole like I would put him to bed and I'd say Okay, I'm gonna come back. Or if Jay was doing bedtime, my husband when they come back in three minutes because they never want he never wanted me to leave for Jay to leave if we're putting them to bed right and that can be really hard. And so we would do with Okay, we're gonna do our routine we big into routine it was like bath potty brush, story song. Something like we did a whole thing. Like we were I remember Frosty the Snowman singing that in July, when Marsha was like a month old. But it was like his favorite song. So we would sing that before bed and then I'd be like, okay, and he would want me to stay and I'll come back in three minutes. And I would I'd come back in three minutes and give him a kiss on the head and tell him the night. I want to come back in five minutes. And he'd say, Okay, I come back in five minutes. I never lied. I wasn't trying to lie trick him. And I did that until he fell asleep and maybe I went back twice and maybe I went back five times or especially nearly postpartum J was doing this and it just helped him trust that I was there. And that's really what he needed because he was more he didn't want me to leave and then and then give it time. I mean patient with this might take some time but then it almost always worked without either as getting really upset or him getting really upset. And the other thing we would tell him is that I told him I was like there's a loose, you know, pretend like there's a string connected to you and me, right? I'm not that far away. If you need me. Come get me right but we are connected. If you need me call for me or come get me like I wanted them to know they could. Yeah, and it's like it's like that reassurance. Help them not wake up and feel like they had to come.

Unknown 7:59

Yeah, no, I would I yeah, definitely recommend that string aspect of things. I have come across that recently to like a podcast I was listening to and it's that that can be comforting or them even having like, you know age appropriate but having a string you know that they can hold that they go to sleep with like it's an actual tangible thing. But then also, you know, along the same lines of like mom's not far away, I you know, who come back in and check on you and doing that, like I'll be back at this time and then coming back. But then if they are asleep and you come back like leaving the unknown or something that lets them know okay, she did come back she was here you know, I was just asleep or something like that or you know that aspect or even telling you that you know you're going to do that I will come back and check on you. Trust that big emotional change and aspects of

Unknown 8:59

it emotionally. They need that regulation. They need to feel safe and secure and love at a time where someone else is demanding your attention. It's really hard. So one of the resources I was going to share is Dr. Laura Markham of aha parenting, so you can sign up for her newsletters when they only newsletters I still read and that I devoured when I was really postpartum but all kinds of gentle but effective parenting tips for everything from dealing with siblings and a newborn all the way up to teenagers. And I just always I felt like I think that's where I read about the string thing and then the and I know it's an awesome places but I feel like that's what I was.

Unknown 9:46

I had listened to wellness mama podcast and she had a therapist on there and it was about conscious parenting and she was talking about some what is gentle parenting? What is conscious parenting, how can you know those and that's where she mentioned, the string and the note and the building that trust so yeah, I love that. Aha parenting. Okay, good. And we'll link these in the show notes. And other resources do you have?

Unknown 10:16

I love Dr. Ziggy Cohan to Dr. city.com She's I've newly found her. She's wonderful for parenting. And she's it's not like a necessarily like a style like it's not like attachment parenting or gentle parenting. It's like reality and like, it's like that emotional intelligence approach of helping regulate emotions from very young age and big on helping the parent identify when they need to regulate their emotions in order to help parent better and giving lots she's like a really, really good social media stuff. But I don't know anyone that can just like I say just like you're if you're listening to this and you're pregnant, you're probably consuming a lot of like, pregnancy prep. And birth prep material. Also adding in some like parenting stuff, newborn stuff, sleep stuff, just so you can, you know, be prepared, especially if you have an older child and navigating the bay emotions and any regressions you might face.

Unknown 11:20

And knowing that this postpartum is probably going to be different than that first one. So use different challenges here a little bit differently and so giving you those resources and being somewhat realistic with okay, this is how this postpartum will probably go and we and

Unknown 11:36

tools you just got to fill your tool bag with people resources, information, you know it's like a mix of that emotional mental physical just kind of trying to meet all those needs for yourself and for your family unit. I mean, and I mean we could nother conversation but also how you're interacting with your partner during this time because lord knows that's the most stressful. It can be one of the most stressful times in a marriage or in a unit because of lack of sleep. increased stress demands from tiny humans, not just one, but two or more. And that's what we're talking about here and so just trying to prepare or be open to it being hard and then asking for help. I think that's one of the best tips is asking for help getting getting help where you can whether it be someone helping walk your dog or someone you know bringing in a trusted professional to do playdates with your child or fleeing the house or whatever you can do to lighten the load whenever within your means. Having people help with meals during that time and I think a lot of people are like yeah, I'll bring you a casserole and everyone brings you like a lasagna or something. And it's like, well, how can we meaningfully prepare for the postpartum and of course, people want to help that's kind of trying to guide your loved ones of like, how can they help? And maybe it's helping fun services and support like, like postpartum doulas or therapy or lactation consultants. So you can have the actual support you need versus things or it's doing a meaningful meal train where people are not only bringing you dinner, but they're bringing breakfast lunch and snacks or they're going to the grocery store for you. Yeah, focusing on healthy nutritious food, not just a bunch of junk or takeout. So, you know, lots of things to consider, like always, but the intention is not to overwhelm but just to, like, shed some light on what it could be like and

Unknown 13:40

then just know when they do that it's legitimate. Yeah, concerns, you know, it's like Yeah, yeah, I don't know. I think it's good to think those things now, any other any other thoughts about bringing home baby?

Unknown 13:55

The other thing I will add, I do have another thought is Hannah, my co doula partner and the other owner of North Atlanta Uber services, she has a post partum planning class, and all in all, it's like two hours. And it's self paced like online. It's incredibly beneficial for people like about to have a baby whether it be your first but really, really helpful for people having like a second or third child, because there's so many other things you have to think about. Beyond yourself and the baby which it's still good for people for first timers, but for those planning to have second child or more of this class helps like it's very you ended with like you work through all the classes in this like workbook and you have this tangible thing at the end of actual like, here's how I'm going to reach out to for help with this. Here are the things I need help with. For the first two weeks here are the things I need help with for the first two months. You know who are the people who are actually willing to come hell like because I think a lot of people are like, Oh, I have family nearby. And then once the baby's here like crickets, and so unless you prenatally were like, Hey, I'm gonna really need your help with the dogs and I'm gonna really need your help doing grocery runs giving people like specific things they want to help so it's identifying Yeah, people are and how they get

Unknown 15:20

out. I feel like a lot of people are like, Oh, you hear it, let me know what you need or something like that. That sounds like it gives you the like, Okay,

Unknown 15:28

I got it. Right. And so the whole point of the class is to kind of walk through all the areas and things you didn't even know you needed to think about, you know, logistics around the house, partner care like partner like relationship what's going on there? Like how are we preparing for self care time? How what how are we going to get rest? How are we going to get food? How is the house going to be taken care of? Like, who are our people and if you don't have like close friends, okay, what resources do I have? What am I able to bring in and pay for certain services, and it really walks you through. It's like all the categories, like most people only think about a couple of the things. Whereas this class walks you through everything that you need to think about and prepare for and it gives you like a tangible thing that you can like hang up around the house of like, what's your plan is or what you need. So I would recommend that and Lincoln Lincoln in the core and the shownotes it's only $75 and it's worth its weight in gold.

Unknown 16:26

That sounds perfect. Yay. I think we had a lot of good resources in this show. And hopefully just kind of said Don't forget about that. Forget about these things, and asking for help.

Unknown 16:42

Yeah, we'll link to some more some more resources, but because partum doula care and stuff like that we didn't really dive too much into that. But that can also be helpful too.

Unknown 16:51

Yeah, no, those are good. And we have lots of other I think we even have some good Postpartum Support shows too. So definitely

Unknown 16:58

looking back through the old Oh, we shouldn't link the one the three part series we did because it's kind of like

Unknown 17:04

the non monetary. Yeah, essential. Yeah. So that was one of our one of our first facilities. Oh, yeah. So yeah, we'll put those in the show notes. Again, thank you so much for listening, and stay tuned next week for another all new episode.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai