Ep 14 Choosing a care provider for your birth

How you feel about your birthing experience is important, and a big part of how you feel about your birth relates to how you feel about your care provider.  In this episode, we’re discussing some ways to reverse engineer the thought process by beginning with the desired end result and working backward toward choosing a care provider.  The process involves tapping into your thoughts, feelings, emotions, and intuition, as well as learning about the different places to birth, and ultimately figuring out if you are in true alignment with whomever you choose as a care provider. This episode will share with you the differences between a midwife and an obstetrician as well as the difference between places they support birth. Then we dive into how to choose a care provider including questions to ask and red flags to look for. 

Listen to Episode # 3: Building Your Birth Support Team 

Check out the blog over on Sunrise Chiropractic and Wellness where Dr. Shannon shares some great tips: "Creating Your Birth Support Team"

Check out Your Birth Site Rachael’s Video: “6 Red Flags to Look For + Questions to Ask Your Care Provider”

This podcast was created from a desire to share conversations and interviews about topics from pregnancy and birth to motherhood and the importance of a healthy body and mind through it all.  Our goal is to bring you fun, interesting, and helpful conversations that excite you and make you want to learn more.  We hope what we share will make an impact and help someone else along their journey.  We believe that when you are aligned in body, mind, and your intuition, you can conquer anything!  If you like what you are hearing and you don’t want to miss our newest episodes, be sure and tap subscribe. Your support is greatly appreciated.

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Transcript

Keywords:

Birth, care provider, obstetricians, provider, midwives, feel, hospital, questions, support, people, switch, options, area, active participant, setting, healthy, important, ob, conversation, aspects, birth support team, chiropractor, midwife, care provider

0:02

Hello, hello. Welcome back to the aligned birth Podcast.

0:07

Today we are talking about provider choices and how to choose your birth provider. So Rachel and I are here today to talk about that now we have mentioned provider options and some previous episodes, so one of our earlier ones is really talking about that verse support team and how everyone that you could have on your team to support you with the birth that you want to have right now we're really digging into that provider choice is very important because that person is going to be so deeply and intimately involved in your birth. And so looking at that, when we talked about feeling supported, and the thoughts and emotions, and it's important how we feel about how we give birth. What's also important about how we feel, with our provider, what is that connection that we want to have. And I think that's sometimes a good place to start with choosing a provider is, how do we want to feel. Yeah, and I think that is perfectly said, and I think I like to, and we agree with this is talking about how you want to feel giving birth, and after the birth, and how important it is and how it affects you and impacts you for the rest of your life. And so how do we how do we talk about this in a way that motivates you to want to change or be active in ensuring you feel the way you want to feel when you give birth and after the birth and I think a lot of people assume that the most important thing is like a healthy baby, right, when you're out of time like everything's fine baby's fine right and that sort of disregards and belittles the experience for the birthing person. And while a healthy baby is very important so as a healthy and happy. Mom, and in today's birthing environment, It doesn't just happen automatically. So you've got to take some steps or some think about some things, so that you can have that safe, healthy, and happy experience one where you feel treated with respect, one where you feel listened to one where all your needs are met, one where you're autonomous and so autonomy is where you are the decision maker, so you can have a care provider who is giving guidance but then still letting you make the decision. So everything that you just said there was so it was literally that like how you feel about this, thoughts and emotions here like it's all of those little aspects of it. Yeah, you know it all plays a part in that. So I think it's, it's definitely worth going back and saying yes okay remember those things that Rachel just said because it's that feeling and those thoughts with all of those things, all of those areas right like we want to make sure all those are being met and that results for most in an empowering experience where you feel confident and happy with your birth, no matter how it unfolds. And so we're having this conversation to say okay, I think if I were to ask them, would you like to feel this way after your birth, most people would probably say yes. And then I would say okay well how are you going to get there. What are you doing to ensure you have the best chance at having the best first possible right This isn't like a guarantee, like oh if you do this you know everything's perfect but it's saying what can you do now to ensure you have the best chance at having that the best verse available to you investment possible. And so, I think, and you agree, that's why we're having this conversation about choice of care provider has some of the greatest impact and influence over your birth experience and the outcome of your birth.

4:07

And while it's not the end all be all. It is one of the first decisions that you make in the care of your pregnancy, and you have a lot of contact with this person and they're the person they're supporting you during the birth, and after the birth and so the choice of this person is very important and should be taken seriously and I think some people.

4:31

Be myself included, you know, when I got pregnant, I was like oh just see the OB I've seen forever right like they deliver baby. I'm good to go and while she was wonderful. And what she did and my experience with her, she wasn't the right fit for me when it came to giving birth. And so I am realizing that, you know, hey wait a minute. I like this person in this aspect for what they're providing here but maybe that's not in line and alignment with how I want to feel with birth. Yeah. And the question I ask people to try and, again, bring it into more like common speak is, you know, if you are breathing normally. Do you go see a pulmonologist, no, no, if your heart is beating as it should and these are, these are bodily functions that occur without us doing anything right. So heart is beating as it should do we go see a cardiologist, know that unless you're like 65 and over and go and that becomes like routine care right, but as a healthy working person. No, like you, or even just a healthy individual nonpregnant we don't go seek care from specialists when our body is otherwise healthy into business I try and draw this, this comparison between okay so obstetricians are sexualized in high risk pregnancy and first primary training, They can, they can deliver and help support birth and other ways but their training is specific to being managing, managing labor and birth and identify the problems and treating problems. So women have had treatment issues or complications or illness or disease during your pregnancies, you are in good hands with an obstetrician or as a fairy, you are in good hands with obstetrician that is their their specialist so like those, like the pulmonologist and the cardiologist. We're going to go see the specialist, when we need. But here in America, obstetricians are promoting like 95% of the care to what is mostly a healthy low referring population. And so, a midwife or the midwifery model of care, whether it be hospital or home birth are part AR is the provider you go see when you're helping low risk otherwise like everything's fine, like this is the hardest meaning okay and the body is functioning as it should. The midwife is there to support you in that way, to provide here of the normal physiological birth process, and then it's determined that it's needed and you're kind of risk out then you can seek care from the obstetrician so just understanding my midwives provide care for healthy low risk normal physiological birth they witness they're highly trained, highly educated and experienced in the normal physiological birth process, and they're also highly trained in identifying issues and referring out fair when needed, they can also view and navigate issues as well. But again, it's knowing who to see what kind of provider to see and when to sue them based on your pregnancy. Exactly, and based on your unique, you know circumstances. Yeah, and we talked about, you know, all of that too in that verse of 14 because we talked about those three main providers as far as like OB, and then midwifery like home birth midwives and then even midwives within an OB setting, but that also leads us to. So again we talked about how do you want to feel with those providers, and I know you go over some of this in your childbirth education classes because this is definitely, I mean it's definitely part of childbirth education is in like choosing that provider, and how to navigate that and what to look for, but a lot of that can come to okay how do you want to feel you can reverse engineer that though, and you like to start at a certain point or location within that provider. Choosing process so where do you like to begin that process that I like to encourage my clients and students to based on where they live, because everyone's in different areas to explore all the different parking locations in their area. Even if you're like I know I want to work in a hospital. How do you even know if there's a birth center in your radius, or are there some home birth midwives that you could just have a conversation over the phone with, and I like to say, even if you think you know what you want.

9:13

Google and find out all the different ones available and call a couple of even call another OB or midwife office who delivers at a hospital might talk to a couple of them. You don't even have to like go and have all of them but just learn about what's fair to the Jesus, so I think that we can have a more empowering experience when we know what I learned that we have immersed into my area I didn't even know that existed I don't want to birth there but at least I know it's there, or you are like okay, there's a few homebirth midwives, I'm going to have conversations with them and through that, just to like just to say okay I've done my due diligence I know what's out there, And through those conversations you might be enlightened, and you might learn, oh my gosh I didn't even like some people especially with homework, they kind of are like, oh that's scary. I can't even go write that conversation. And I'm like, that's fine, but that's fine. I want you to have at least one conversation with a home birth midwife, and then say, Nope, not for me. Yeah, how does that make you feel, how did it make you feel, what if each of those conversations that I'm encouraging you to have so you do the research you get your little list and you just call a few, and how do you feel when you talk to them, how does the answer to their when they answer your questions. How does it make you feel, and let that guide you tap in to that physiological response that you are having because it'll translate to your physiological response when you're giving birth, when you're giving a birth, that's, that's it, that and that's just full circle brought it home for us but you said, why are we talking about how you want to feel with your provider, because that is going to be directly related to how you are going to feel while you are giving birth, and after birth, and how we feel about how we give birth is so so important. It transcends everything and it can last for a lifetime and so we're here, hoping to help you have that, that optimal experience, and knowing that even if things go sideways if you have a supportive care provider, they're going to be there to guide you and they're your person you can lean on and so let's choose that person wisely, or that practice like if you're choosing an OB and it's a practice you know I've had several clients so you know, I really like this one, OB, and it's a practice of like 10 obese, and I'm like, Well, do you know like you have a one in 10 chance of getting that one that you like. Right and I get with you I like that one, but also know like, there's a rotation and you might have to give birth with one of the other ones and are you okay with it if it comes down to birth time, and it's the one you don't like. Right. So, yeah, exploring, again, we say it a lot but exploring the options I say start with birth location because birth location, like, not all providers, and I say like doctors and midwives give birth at all the places, so Exactly. Decide where you want to give birth based on how you want to feel and the environment and the setting and then say okay well who, who helped support birth in those locations, right, who fits into that mold that you want and you know where you're in the Atlanta area, and we have so many hospitals that support birth, and I feel like they're all so different. Yes. Excuse me, so it's even. I mean, they're also different, and this is even just thinking of the fact that we do have a birth center but this is also within all these different hospitals, it can look so different. Are you can you go with a shower, can you go in a tub, like all of these things. Mm hmm. Yeah. Yes, and knowing like, then you can research Syrian birth rates so in the Atlanta area it's such a good example because there's one hospital with a 54% seseri Right. And there's one hospital with a 70% of Syrian right. So, like, if you don't look around and say, you know, what is what my cool right. What are these, what kind of servers are these places provided, and then I always like to fit a caveat here is I understand not everyone has the ability, or able to travel and the means to just go into whatever hospital or procedure they want, like, I fully understand that so it's not always easy but if you do the research you may know, I have to give birth to this one hospital because my insurance will cover, and that's the only option. And it has the highest severity work. Okay, now you know what your work is exactly, but that's where you're going to get hurt, and that's okay. So now let's choose a provider that was in that hospital that is best for you. And just know what you're up against. And so it's not saying it's all downhill if you can't switch at the hospitals or religious areas right. It's just saying, Okay, no, no, what, what it is and then further within that muscle. This is where I have to give birth, who provides Carebear and then, because you'll be surprised there's going to be lots of people that provide here there's going to be lots of different offices, so that you might actually be able to switch to a different provider within them that aligns with exactly within that hospital setting. So, again, using homework is on the fringe, so I still say encourage doing some research.

14:22

Even if you don't know them and it's still again enlightening, check out to see if there's any birth centers in your area and then what you know is there one hospital three hospitals, whatever and then kind of there, and then learn about the settings at those places like What's it mean to give birth at a birth center what, you know, what's it look like, what, protocols, do they have like all that stuff. And then, again, back to the. How does it make you feel, and then knowing that once you narrow down the birth location that within that so Hospital has both obstetricians and midwives, those midwives are almost always practicing under an obstetrician, so know that midwife midwife based hospital providers, or I'm sorry, hospital based midwifery practices, usually are under an obstetrician, so they're usually having similar protocols or guidelines, though I think they are better suited to handle normal physiological healthy lovers. Pregnancy and Birth, you know, just know that they are part of an office, you know, obstetricians office exactly the setup, and then the midwives are usually certified nurse midwives, so there are in to become certified midwives, so more medical model of care, usually is their foundation and then birth centers have seeing onions as well, usually that's what practice is there, and then Humbert is there's an array of a wide range of midwives who serve the Humber setting he has something in his eye certified nurse midwife do for comfort, and then it's usually a professional midwife or

16:07

they have direct injury and then they have education. That's more complicated and I'll try not to do. No, it can get complicated but that's what you do is you look at those.

16:21

You look at those options and providers and I know I have reached out to those in the past, because I've had patients who were like, well, I've given birth before, and they didn't necessarily like how they felt. With that office. And so they wanted to switch to another one and so they're looking at it from. I want something that's different, you know that's going to be a little bit more supportive in this aspect and so I reached out to schools in my area today and I asked them because they do have that direct connection and they work with those providers and we say, What have you seen, and I have a client who feels like this and wants to feel like this, what are our options in the area too. So, there's communication with in the birthing community as far as helping birthing folks find people that will support him you know in some of the waiting and so, so, yeah, so I guess too. It's not like necessarily reaching out to these providers but maybe you know if you've got a doula that you really love or you're you know with a chiropractor or something check with them beside okay, you know, this is, this is what I'm looking for. Who do we have in that area, you have yours your network of where you know care providers are local, if you've had friends who have done give a break before check with them and and build that resource list and, and use that as a first step, first like okay, here are some second kind of, oh, I have a whole list of midwives homework they want to see and I have a whole entire share with anyone who needs it, even if you're not my client because I'm just looking for my email to start my research, start them out. And I understand that as saying this might sound like overwhelming, like oh my gosh, like I don't want to have to do all this work, sounds tedious and it sounds exhausting. I get it. I just want to tell you that the effort now is worth the reward.

18:17

But, yes you can. Now, you will be glad you did it and I also say, even when you spend all this energy and you end up at the same place you're already at, then hopefully you feel just like I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be, like, you know it's okay you land where you started, but just go on that journey and explore those options and check with those, the chiropractors in the doors and the chocolate educators and say you know tell me about the burping environment and this area that I'm in, because that's how you kind of get a real bead on it. And, you know, I think the effort, the effort now is 100% worth the reward and I definitely don't ever want to overwhelm you just take one step that we said and start there. If it's just learning about the different types of birth locations in the area of just like certain areas where it leads you. Exactly. And you know, I know for me I respond really well to like happiness and love and rainbows and unicorns and sunshine like I need as much support so much of and I just I really respond well to that just emotionally, like, fuzzy feeling. But there are some providers out there that are a woman by the end there's some that are not and they're very direct. And, you know, it's really, that's what I'm getting at with the feeling like, do you want someone that's just kind of like okay, this is what's happening. This is what's going on because some people love that directness and they want that, and they need that whereas sometimes you want some of that fluff and stuff and so that's where it really comes into that. How do you feel, you know, how are you going to, and you know sometimes birth kind of puts you in a whole different mindset mode you don't know how you're going to react. But it's also what's going to make you feel uncomfortable, is someone you know kind of easing you into something, and that gentle guide or as you do you want someone that's kind of a little bit more stern and says, Hey, this is what's going on, and these are the options that we have or, you know, something along those lines. So there's those differences there that you can look at the feeling, but then it's also the feelings that you have with the questions that you're asking and the answers that they're giving how supportive are they do they listen to you that's the biggest thing I hear from people is not being listened to, and that type of thing. So just some more aspects of how to address like the thoughts and feelings you have with those providers, It doesn't just have to be with, you know, how the setting makes you feel to but then it's, it's how they're answering to you and translating that into how it's going to look in that birthing room when you're giving birth or what Yeah maybe. Yeah and we might be thinking as the listener like okay well what do I ask if I'm trying to like figure out how I feel like how do I know what to ask and I hear all the time like people feel intimidated by their care provider, especially if they're like, more in the medical setting like they don't know like can I ask questions are they gonna get mad at me, they feel rushed, you know, can I do this or am I allowed to ask and I just say yes, you know, act like you're the consumer because you are so just like everything else can kind of inquire about we make a purchase or before you seek care, treat this the same way and I have a list of questions that I share that I think it's important to use in conjunction with that, can you describe the assessing how you feel when they give you the information is like okay well here are some questions to ask and then pay attention to your response like does that align with you or does it create resistance, and even if you don't have all the information you can still be in tune with their demeanor giving you the answer, are they cutting you off, are they, you know, being short with you are they running out of room at the end of the appointment not allowing you time to ask all of your questions. Are they telling you Oh no Now we'll talk about that later. We'll worry about that later. You know that's been dismissive and saying, Well, no, I'm asking now, I would really like an answer. There were just some of those things that you could have immediately a few examples but the overarching idea or goal here is that you know you can ask questions, whatever your needs are, whatever you want for your birthday, I want you to ask the questions that will help you determine if this provider is a good fit for you and the female mind, you can have that good physiological feeling based on how they answer on your own.

22:57

Some of those questions might be. What do you view as your role and my role in achieving a safe and healthy birth. This is a great conversation charter medical care providers like obstetricians tend to see.

23:13

They keep mom and baby like in two separate categories, or they're more medically minded and so their response might tend to be like, Oh, we want to make sure baby's healthy and kind of keep baby separate from mom, right, or talk about managing or finding hazards as you might hear from a medical response, where the midwife might may see the baby and mom at home, and they treat the home, and so you're going to get more of that response.

23:41

So just sit down with. It's kind of like helping me that question that's happening and figure out like, philosophy, and roles of purpose, these are all the people who are going to be at your birth like, how do they see it going and how do they plan on helping you achieve the birth that you want or that is saved right.

23:59

That's a good conversation starter. And I like to say, are asked what kind of childbirth, preparation, do you recommend.

24:09

Yeah, obstetricians, tend to, again it all depends on what you what you want, individually, this is not saying what is right or wrong, but a care provider might say, oh you're. Your body knows what to do. Finger about just hitting the hospitals for

24:26

chocolate chip.

24:28

Confusion close

24:33

to me.

24:37

Tell me what do you find it medically necessary to do so.

24:45

And then do you support going beyond recording.

24:50

I like to phrase the question exactly how I just said, which is to go into, and avoiding phrases like, Will you allow me to go over, because that's three enforcing there on the brain. When you say, do you support this, every appointment that you are the autonomous one whereas if you're asking permission that keeps them in the authoritative position and you in issue are more submissive or whatnot, that's not to mention that like that you're asking permission, and I am not You're not an active participant in the community now. Yeah, you're asking you, you know, it's tough to because we can generalize like okay, most of the time home birth midwives are going to approach it like this, most of the time certified nurse midwives are gonna approach it and OB is in this category, too. If not, you will find obese that are going to be, you know, not necessarily so medically minded I mean yes they are because that is the training in the medical management and treatment of birth and the birth process, but, um, it's just like with a pediatrician, you know you're gonna find some that are going to give you maybe a little bit more holistic options of if your kid has eczema versus some that are going to go straight to some top cluster with stuff like it's that same thing in there and that's why we are asking these questions to get a feel for that and then you've got to tap in and say, this gives me resistance, or this, I feel aligned with this I feel comfortable with this I feel heard, no matter what the response, and I think something's you know here too is I have so I've had so many women say Oh, I'm going to be birthing in this house, but I know they have a bad reputation. No, I don't care how do you feel about that, because if you love that office and you love the OBS and you have felt supported and heard but then by golly you stay there, I don't care what other people have said so there is also that discernment of, okay, I don't care what other people have said to like yes I want to listen to those things but you still got to say, this is true to me this is aligning with me, and this is the best option for me right now with how I feel. Yes 100% I think trusting yourself, trusting yourself trusting your gut. I mean I got it all the time with homebirth of like people people's opinions about homebirth right but it's what worked for me and I aligned with me it's I, but I want to say to what you said, if you're hearing that, or whatever have you, like, ensure like you're, you've asked at least some questions, regardless of what you've heard you ensure that you're in alignment, just don't assume, right, because it's just being an active participant. Regardless of what you've heard and and make your own decision. Don't let someone else make your decision. Right. And so, when we were making our decision about having a home birth, there was some resistance and even for my husband he had hesitations, so we had to work through and like address and ask the questions and do the research and have the conversation and have conversations to make a decision that was for us and then I decided, know what what no one outside their opinion was not going to infiltrate.

28:12

My decision and that boosted my confidence and I think that's the point of what you're saying is to go with your gut, trust yourself like make the decision that's best for you, not what someone else is or what equipment people say it's because everyone is different and everyone is going to feel differently verging at different places and with different providers, and I 100% agree that within midwives and obstetricians there's going to be more a wide range of styles and personalities and like you said you want to find the one that, that fits with you.

28:45

So, you know it's not saying any certain way is right or wrong, it's just knowing the options, knowing the site like knowing what kind of training, education, and where they differ, and then sort of asking these questions to sort of make that full analysis. Exactly. And I think a big part too is knowing that you can switch providers. Now I know we've talked earlier about, there might be monetary aspects to things in insurance aspect of things as far as, you know where you want to get birth and and all of that type of stuff but knowing that if it comes down to it, to where you are not aligned with something at that office that that buyer that you're with and you can switch. Yes, you can switch mid labor. Yes, a lot of people ask like, which and I'm like no, you can actually switch, while you're in labor unless you're in a very remote, in which someone could be listening to very remote hustle where there's only one of the women, or whatever. But yeah, you can make a switch at any point that you don't feel safe or protected or trusted or right and I say just trust your gut, and know that if you need to switch you, you've done some of that legwork already and you're like well I think I know where I might switch to, you know, you kind of already one step ahead, and know that if you make a decision at the beginning of your pregnancy and halfway through, you're getting some, some, your little radars going out but like something doesn't feel right or there's some red flags, even, you know, 30 weeks 35 weeks, whatever. I mean I had a client switch at 36 weeks because like half, or almost all her pregnancy. She's like, I just don't know.

30:31

And I would be like okay, here are your options. Yeah, and then, you know, and then she made the choice. Yeah, she made the choice when it was time for her to switch and I had sent her the information, earlier on and she was, she that's a funny. I should have her on she'd be great that she called me after that appointment was like, I had no idea could be this good.

30:53

Yeah, So see trust those instincts. Now here's one thing to think about though that if you want to switch to a home birth midwife. Well, they'd be booking up pretty early. I've seen likely so think about too, is that interview process, early on, and see how you feel. So sometimes, it probably is easier to switch more within that OB aspect of things in hospital rather than like, I think especially with my wife and I'm 30 weeks you know like, so I hear about her a lot, actually had a client switch that homework to kind of like, ish, and she I think called, you know, 10 midwives, or one of them was available and she switched but yeah, switching

31:43

questions early on but it is okay.

31:46

Yeah. And I think also something to talk about. Be sure you ask your care provider is if how they feel about working with doulas that can be a good indicator as to their support for normal physiological birth because it's been well proven and research the benefit of having a doula so if they're like, kind of knocking on doulas are not supportive, and that could be something to either have a further in depth conversation to kind of learn more about why that is or, you know, just pay attention to those kinds of things too and some other things you can ask or do some research on the Syrian birth rate for, so your provider should have a Syrian birth rate and then the where they provide support so the hospital has a Syrian birth rate and then your care provider has a Syrian referring. And if they say they don't know what, that's a red flag.

32:39

They know it, they know they're repeating it right, they know their rate of infection rate and other interventions too so just know that you can gather that information and again, that doesn't mean you have to hightail it out of there. Right, just say, Okay, I know this. Now what does that mean for me, and you're entitled to that information, it's the same thing with a home birth midwife if you want to ask well how many births have you attended. How many have you had to transfer to the hospital, you know, those type of things, you are entitled to that information.

33:10

And I know it can feel very, it can be difficult to ask some of those questions but how we feel that how we give birth matters, and that is going to be directly related to how you are with your provider, and so just keep going back to those thoughts, and how important it is and overstating things so you're entitled to ask those questions. Yeah, and whatever the whatever the questions you decide to ask, based on what we've said or you you created your own, you know how they answer, there's no, there's not necessarily for some there might be a right or wrong answer, but for adults don't vary based on your needs. So understanding that, you know, I can't tell you like, oh they should say this for you to feel good about it, it's that, no, I want you to pay attention to your physiological response when they give you an answer, and your, do you feel a little bit nervous you feel a little bit like heart racing is your breath becoming shorter like that's the physiological response of like stress. And that's the kind of stress that can inhibit labor, and so we don't want that kind of energy in the birth environment so understanding that that can translate and so you either need to work through that with your care provider and get to a place where you feel comfortable and relaxed, or take that as a sign of Gosh every time I'm in there I feel this, my heart races and I get sweaty and I and all that, that that physiological response right that's it's not this always like literally JULIE Oh I feel so happy here it's like no pay attention to how you really feel and then with the different questions you asked like, pay attention to how you feel and that'll just help you guide because again it may not be the answer, they're giving you that matters, it's going to be how it makes you feel feel. Yeah.

35:00

Now, what are some things you know so we have chosen that provider what are things to look at next. Yeah so I think the five things I say, we'll just sum that up five things to do next after you've listened to this, this interview you're counting okay when you said a lot of things guys.

35:27

Number one is interviewed different types of providers, and we've said it but I'm just telling you it's number one, you're going to interview different types of providers, and two is you're going to seek alignment with your care provider and you're going to aim for 90% or greater. That sounds nasty that sounds big that that 90% alignment with your care provider that means you agree on 90% of the things that you're talking about. Yeah, that's 10 questions.

35:58

With nine. Yeah, and aim for them work.

36:02

Number three is use the questions that we've listed here, or have a list of questions like prepared written out not in your brain, as if you're like me, when I get into a setting where I'm like, in the doctor's office or with a care provider I forget everything, right down your questions, use some of the ones we've said here, to come up with your own, you can Google what should I ask my February I think I have a blog post on it somewhere on my website about questions to ask your care provider, but take your list and and use it at your next appointment. And then number four is keep an eye out for those red flags that we, we shared a few of them, but some important things to pay attention to when in regards to looking for red flags is, if they are dis regarding you in any way, if they're making predictions about when you're going to go into labor, the size of your baby the size of your hips, your ability to give birth like any kind of prediction that they actually don't know, that's a red flag. I'm using the phrase we allow or don't allow which I touched on that earlier so we want to talk about like, we support you. We support this, this is like, you know, phrases like that, avoid the things that are like permission.

37:20

If they're avoiding your questions or not spending enough time with you or if using fear to guide decision making those are some red flags as well, so keep an eye out for red flags and they can come at different points along. Once you've chosen your care provider, you might see them at different points so just be in tune and aware. And lastly is work with what is available to you. Right. Not everyone has the same things available to them based on location or, or economic status or whatever so work with what's available to you that you can still be an active participant, and sometimes that might mean you need to be even more so if you only have one hospital that you can park that one provider to okay well, that'd be even more active in my process so working with what's available to you and understand that the process is empowering and inspiring and that the effort now equals reward later. That's true. I mean, that last little bit effort now we're later right how you feel what that provider now is going to translate into how you feel. During labor matters because it matters. I haven't met one person that's like, I don't remember my birth. Right.

38:39

Like, good, bad, ugly it stays with you and usually when it's a positive experience it tends to be, provide an easier recovery and an easier, you know, and a more confident start to motherhood, just, and if it is negative or traumatic it doesn't mean you can't get there, but there will be some work to do.

38:59

Yes, some very important work to ensure your mental health and your physical health and that the next time you have a baby, you don't have PTSD like so it can, it lasts. It has a great impact on our parenting, and it can. I mean, oh gosh, I won't go into it but stress can impact your, your actual DNA, like it can change things for the rest of your life. No, I'm glad you mentioned that because I think that's really the heart of what we're getting at here though is Why is it so important. Okay, you tell you've said multiple times that it's important how I feel why because that stress response. It does it gets passed down epigenetically generations, I mean, yes, it, it, it can impact multiple aspects of that labor and birth process, and then it can, You know, impact multiple aspects of motherhood. So that's the important, so yes, not to make it.

also so like daunting and like oh my god, I don't feel completely aligned here and I only have seven out of 10 questions and this is mad and blah blah blah. No no no that's not to own it back and calm down, but just one little step at a time little interview.

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